Today I noticed that my life or my domestication along my life time, made me a guilty person, I don’t go on and do bad deeds just to get my rocks off, but I almost always feel guilt creeping up my spine and making me feel inadequate, awful, stupid, I never belong, I never am, there’s no calm, there’s no trust, there’s just sadness.
I’m tiered of it.
I’m tiered of my nervous breakdowns not happening, they just happen when everyone is asleep, when there’s nobody to listen, to tell me “everything is going to be ok” or “you are fine honey, just keep on going, you didn’t do anything wrong”, I shouldn’t need reassurances, but right now, I need one so very fucking badly, that it hurts.
This is not an attention seeking post yada yada what ever you want to call it. It’s just how I feel right now, I know I’ve been absent but school messes existence and tranquillity so awfully, plus I’m going to the gym and sleeping more, I though it might help with the strange feelings but no, it haven’t, I’m just more tiered. I’m just plain old sad.