It’s funny how you end up eating mexican food lamenting being a fool.
It’s funny that you go out running and can’t let go of things, it’s just my twisted sense of humour right there, gnaging at my insides with snarky comments I can’t let out in the workspace cause it’s an office and you ought to be a proper civilized human being without emotions, if you have them you’ll be critizced and scrutinized till there’s just ashes of the wonders you can do, because people tend to left the good out of the story and concentrate in the physical, fickle aspects of a person. Which is completely stupid.
It’s no wonder, that when an enchanting young man crosses your path you see stars.
It’s no wonder that you fall a little in uncertainty and emotional bliss with nice comments, good remarcs, the chivalery which I’m not truly familiar with. The juice for the lady cause she’s working and the tutsipop just because.
That’s when you discover that little details kill you and no matter how many times you tell yourself that he’s the guy who got the job because of family ties, he’s a guy who is leaving in 3 months and you are going back home in three months. And maybe it’s because I let myself be cold with him or maybe because I’m cold with people who get too close.
Funny even the ass of a person whom I had a one night stand and have the disgrace to work with, started being attentive towards me. It’s funny, his details didn’t got me, couldn’t forget the months of disdain.
So here I am eating mexican food and berating myself. I hoped for more from someone who now is asking (constantly) about a friend of mine. Cause I’ll admit it, she’s gorgeous and beautiful in all her demanour with grace and functionality she can get into a slaughterhouse and still look like a cute damissel, while I look, like well, a girl who went to a slaghterhouse and got lost for a while just to find her way out with all the splatters her shirt can bear.
So I’ll stop thinking about caressing his face, feeling his beard, getting a hug or going dancing, all of that is just a dream that went away.
And I’ll stop trying to undermine the thing they can have, with my snarky comments about a nail taking out another nail, to what he answered I’m a screw I stay where I get and am difficult to get out.
And my mexican food got cold.
Today at the karaoke some kind of strange numbness got me. Hadn’t felt it in a long while but , today I felt it while listening to a song. The song talked about how he was proud of saying that she’s his girl cause she’ precious , beautiful etcetc…
This thing I believe is about the new old jungle log. Who didn’t talk about me or well he did with his friends an family but never was official so it hit too fuuucking close to home..
Hm is it harassment when your coworkers (I work with 4 guys at a cattle facility as an intern in a biogas plant) start talking about a trip you’re about to take to a beach 2 hours away from the town where I work. Thing is guys started talking : yeah , we’ll be working and Ana (me) is going to be at the beach in a bikini. And the yeah she’s gonna dance and maybe screw someone. Sorry I had to take that stuff out
Is this normal guy talk… am I in some level considered a guy ?
Hm is it harassment when your coworkers (I work with 4 guys at a cattle facility as an intern in a biogas plant) start talking about a trip you’re about to take to a beach 2 hours away from the town where I work. Thing is guys started talking : yeah , we’ll be working and Ana (me) is going to be at the beach in a bikini. And the yeah she’s gonna dance and maybe screw someone.
Sorry I had to take that stuff out
Because one too many times I’ve been told that I remind them of a good friend so, I’m treated like an old friend. And that statement “you , the whole you it’s the same as a friend back in my hometown.
I’m glad , that I remind you of you’re home town. But the truth is that , it saddens me to think that I lack of originality in that way.
Thank you for the hug and playing with my arm.